Study time and the ADD child

STUDY TIME

(From Parenting with grace)

REPEAT ... RECORD (WRITE)... REAFFIRM .. REINFORM

Children with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) often have difficultly holding their attention, organizing tasks and attending to detail. This makes studying challenging and usually parents have to be more involved with homework to see that it gets done. Try different strategies until you find a system that works for your child. You cannot like another grade 8 child’s mother say “He must now study on his own. He still needs you.

I just want to remind that structure is very important. The ADD child wants to know when you are planning things for him. All planning should be done with or in consultation with him. If you are planning lifts for him tell him immediately .. why not involve him in the planning? Let him know what your plans are for tomorrow, for the weekend.

STUDY ENVIRONMENT

The add child needs a peaceful place to study.

Be creative! Help him create a special work space just for learning. It must be a place where he can study without interruptions. Have everything available like paper, sharpened pencils, erasers, and any other necessary tools for learning nearby, but preferably  not at the table where your child is working. The items could become an unnecessary distraction. He must have adequate space available with all the rest on another table next to him. Continuously check that he still has all he needs. He has a challenge and you must help him.

 Have others in the home spend their time reading or doing some other noiseless activity somewhere else so your child is not easily distracted during homework or learning time.. Avoid distracting stimuli. Try not to place your child near air conditioners, high traffic areas, heaters, or doors or windows.

Help him organise his study place until it is  comfortable and ready for him. It must look so nice that he just want to sit there. Perhaps it is time for Dad to add a few shelves.

Instructions

1

Make sure that your child come home with all his homework written down. With much patience and encouragement help him to realise that he will not remember everything.  Tell him how you struggle to remember. A homework book is his  most important book.

:     2

Work collaboratively with your child to set up a schedule that he can follow after school. Help him break the time up such that you are alternating work time with relax time. Place the schedule in a well trafficked place in your home. Consider laminating the schedule so your child can check off each block of time as he moves through the schedule.

• 3

Allow your child to create a fun personal study area as suggested at the beginning.  Keep it free of sounds from the TV, radio and other distractions. Make sure the area has numerous study materials such as highlighters, post-it notes, pens, pencils and anything that makes studying more interesting. The area should be someplace where you can supervise your child while he works.

• 4

Follow a routine in your day-to-day activities. Children with ADD thrive on routine. If you have an established routine all day, it will make the routine of studying easier for your child. Eventually, the routine becomes a habit.

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Remember healthy snacks in between. Your child must eat something every 2 1/2 hours. It is more important for the ADD child than for others.

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• 5

Help your child study by practicing study strategies. Ask your child to read a paragraph aloud and then question your child about the details. Allow your child to create fun flash cards that you can use together to study. Attach the cards together with a ring so your child can bring them anywhere to study. Create songs with your child  that cover pertinent study material. You and your child can be creative together. For some pictures help for others main words in red.

• 6

Establish a regular bedtime. Children who go to sleep at the same time each night have fewer night wakings and sleep more soundly. Don’t make it too early for the high school child and your ADD child will take longer to finish his homework.

• 7

Enforce your schedule and reward your child when he follows the schedule and completes all assignments in his assignment book. Use a point sheet to track your child's progress throughout the week.

If your child has trouble remembering studies or tasks, you can help him by honing his memory. Not everyone is born with strong recall, but you can enhance what your child already has with a few practices:

• 1

Have your child write down the summarised information repeatedly and the very act will help him  to memorize. Although children may see this as a punishment, explain that it will help them to remember things. Summarising or  writing             main words  in different colours.

• 2

Teach keen observation. Remind your child to look around and memorize what he sees. You can make it a game. Have the child look around the room, and then have him close his eyes and repeat what he saw.

• 3

Work out methods that fits each child. Each child is an individual who learns differently. Observe the child and see what works as a stimulus for him.  Association may do it or acting out parts or singing songs can provide the stimuli. Help him get words or numbers to remember the summaries by.

• 4

Use the computer. The computer fascinates children. Find games, such as Concentration, that will hold their interest while they learn to memorize.

Teach your child the importance of completing tasks to the best of his abili

The ADD child is a very lovely child. They need and want their parents as well as their teachers to understand them. It takes a lot of time and commitment. Beware that your child does not drift away because you do not have the time and do not make the effort.

Remember that your appreciation of your child helps to shape his and your image of God. It is important that you encourage your ADD child through praise, through scripture quotes without preaching) and motivational phrases. If your child can understand, if it can become Rema to him, Phil. 4 verse 13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

On the other hand it is very important that you talk to God about your child. Thank God for your child. I have four wonderful children and I thank God always for them. Ask God

    To help you see your child’s positive traits

    To fully understand your child’s situation

    To give you patience to deal with those traits that conflict with yours and to help you remember the positive side of those characteristics

    To help you accept what you cannot change in your child

    To be in charge of your child and help him in every aspect.

Father and mother enjoy in your child, enjoy your child, and enjoy the challenge to bring him up. He is such a wonderful gift to you.

CARE

Louise told us yesterday how she trained the four foster mothers on affirming a child and then I suddenly remember the Care principle for  parents and especially for fathers.

Consideration

The concept of consideration is that we show careful thought and attention to family members and their needs and concerns. Look for ways to be attentive to the children's needs, feelings and priorities. Children are very different and need very different approaches but all need consideration. It still rings in my mind a Dad saying to his children show a bit of consideration. I often wonder Dad or Mom  how much consideration do you model.  After I preached about the house being a safe haven where all members feel safe and grow and develop, I realise again how important consideration for each other is in the family.

Appreciation

Showing appreciation seems to be a little thing, but it reaps big dividends in a family Louise told the foster mothers to start with saying  "thank you" when they come into the room and find it orderly or when someone has cooked a good meal. A simple expression of thanks with a little hug can mean a lot. And it tends to make the children a little more likely to do the right things next time when mom or dad take time to tell them thanks. Try adding a little appreciation to your parenting repertoire.

Respect

Parents come let us try acting respectfully of our children and see what happens. Just a little common courtesy goes a long way. One way to start respecting is to stop taking advantage of others. I read this”We have a daughter who takes great pride in leaving the kitchen immaculate when it is her turn to clean up after dinner. Because she does such a good job, we tend to turn to her when we need an extra job. It would perhaps be more respectful to spend time helping another child learn better cleaning skills than to take advantage of her talent to the detriment of her free time.” So many parents criticise when children make their own beds in stead of saying a good try. I appreciate your effort.  

Empathy

The process of empathy, or the sensitivity and understanding of what others are going through, involves putting yourself in another's situation and feeling what they feel. Empathy is when we try to understand someone's feelings from their perspective, and then we desire to help that person

Spending time with your children in activities that communicate consideration, appreciation, respect and empathy will teach them skills, will help them know that they are important, and will bring them to a higher level of cooperation in your family and in their social worlds.
Empathy develops as a child's brain and thinking abilities develop, but parents can have a big influence on the resulting empathy their children have. If they encourage empathy, their children will be more empathic to others. If this is neglected, children get out of practice and may stop being so empathic. Children must receive lots of empathy to be able to act with empathy.
 If we want our children to feel empathy and to help others, we need to help them. While some development happens as a part of growing up, parents can increase their child's potential. "Parents have a sacred duty to...teach their children to love and serve one another." (Quote ) There are dramatic differences in children with empathy and without. Dad and Mom please understand how necessary it is for you to show empathy wherever you go but especially to your children and each other.

Godly Home continues.

6.    IN THE GODLY HOME THERE IS GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT BECAUSE OF THE GODLY ATMOSPHERE

Because of all the Godly benefits and the Godly atmosphere the members in the home mature spiritually, emotionally and mentally. They discover their area of significance. There is peace and joy in the Godly Home.

7.     THE GODLY HOME CAN BE HEAVEN ON EARTH FOR ITS MEMBERS AND THEY KNOW WHERE THEY ARE HEADING TO.

Heaven will be on earth for the members of the Godly Home if they know the secret of the beloved, that they are deeply, deeply loved by Almighty God. Knowing the truth will cause them to be established in the unmerited favour of God and to always carry a sense of favour-consciousness wherever they go. They will go to Jesus just as they are.

I want to leave you with Ephesians 1 verse 6 To the praise of the glory of His grace by which He made us accepted in the Beloved. We have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace.

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Godly Home

Sermon on 18 September 2011.Shortened version.

God designed the home to be the heart of ministry. It is to be a place of worship, learning, health, hospitality, and productivity for each member of the family and a base for reaching out to others in the community.

1.    IN THE GODLY HOME THE MEMBERS FEEL SAFE PROTECTED AND NURTURED

The home of the godly family should be a place where every family member feels safe, protected and nurtured. I am always thinking that it should be a place where the members feel as David wrote in Psalm 91 about those who dwell in the secret place of the most High. In verse 4 David said

He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust”

I see the family members safely as under a mother hen. It must be a place where they know they are significant on the one hand but it is also the place where they can share their problems, their little secrets etc. The members must know in this home they will not be condemned or broken down. Their house is a place where we build and never break people.

2.    IT IS A STABLE GOD-SERVING HOME. It is a place of prayer,

The Christian family is the first place of education in prayer. Based on the sacrament of marriage, the family is the "domestic church" where God's children learn to pray "as the Church" and to persevere in prayer. For young children in particular, daily family prayer is the first witness of the Church's living memory as awakened patiently by the Holy Spirit. This is a lovely prayer for parents.
THEY ARE GENEROUS AND SHOW CHARITY, LOVE AND AFFECTION.

This was the first specific opdrag command from the Lord to me to you and ...I have the words and I had to fill it in.  

I WANT, FOR ONE SECOND, TO TAKE YOU BACK TO A PREVIOUS SERMON I GAVE ON THE LOVE OF GOD.

I told you about the revelation I had on how great God’s love really is. I preached about a love that none of us can ever comprehend. A love that none of us can ever understand – the love that our God has for us. It is a godly love that only God can comprehend.  It is the biggest thing in the whole wide world – The love that our God has for us. From eternity to eternity.  From heaven to earth from the beginning of the world to the end of the world. Louie Giglio tells us how great our God is but as great as our God is, so great is our God’s love for us.  He loves us and holds on to us. As great as the universe is so great is the love of our God. The God that created us, created our Galaxy that is millions of light years away. This big God that could say let there be light - has such a great love for us.

The people in the Godly home should live this love. We all know that we must love God, our neighbours, ourselves and our children. It is a nurturing kind of love, forming permanent relationships.

Loving God is obeying God (John 14:15). A true love for God will result in a true love for one another within the home. This means that a Godly Home will be overflowing with love. Everybody will see and know the love in this house – it will be love that flows from Jesus heart. He died for us.

GIVE AND IT SHALL BE GIVEN UNDTO YOU.

Throughout the Bible, we are instructed to reach out to those in need, particularly offering generous help to those who are poor.

If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered (Proverbs 21:13).

3.    THEY ARE IN THE GRIP OF GOD’S GRACE AND MERCY AND FAVOUR.

Mercy and Grace. The Big Picture Before the foundation of the world
John 17:24b for You loved Me before the foundation of the world
Eph. 1:4b just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world
Matt. 13:35b I will utter things kept secret from the foundation of the world.

God had a plan of Salvation – before the foundation of the world

MERCY as Inus explained so well to us is God withholding the punishment we deserve because of our sinfulness. The consequences of sin are death, yet Jesus paid this penalty for us. If it wasn’t for God’s mercy we would not be here. We are deserving of judgment, of destruction, punishment and condemnation.

GRACE is the unearned gifts the Father gives to His children. The Lord relates to us by His grace. Grace has provided salvation to all who come to Him, though we deserved destruction. God knew that the man He created would sin. God wants us to come boldly to the throne of grace that we may obtain mercy and find grace in times of need.

I am preaching Jesus to you. I cannot stop preaching Jesus to you for what He has done for us on the cross.

I am in the grip of His Grace. It is all Grace for me. Can anything separate us from God's love? Does He really love us, no matter what?

How does He feel about me when I snap at anything that moves? When I've failed as a parent? When my thoughts are gutter-level? When my tongue is sharp? Have I drifted too far? Waited too long? Slipped too much? The answer is found in one of life's sweetest words-grace.

It is God who lovingly holds me in the eternal grip of His grace. My good deeds won't help. Perfect performance is not required. The God who made me has redeemed me and covered my sinfulness with His righteousness. His holiness is sufficient for all my sin. And that's grace.

THEY UNDERSTAND GOD’S FAVOUR

Beloved all our answers is found at the Mount of Golgotha, the place of the Skull. It is the place where the sinless Man became sin so that we can become the righteousness of God. His righteousness is our right to Gods unmerited favour. God sees us through the lens of the cross of His Son and as Jesus is today deserving of blessing, peace health and favour, so are we. Our righteousness if freely given and not earned. Paul says in Galatians 2 verse 21”do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!"

4.    THEY HAVE FAITH IN THE LORD – TRUSTING HIM IN EVERY WAY.

Parents must understand the principle of faith and trust in our God.

5.    THE PRESENCE OF GOD IS VISIBLE IN THEIR LIVES.

How light the life that dwells in God's presence! When we engage in continual conversation with God; walk with Him in faith, humility, simplicity, and love; and think, say, or do nothing that may displease God, we live in His kingdom on earth as we hope to live with Him in heaven. 

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Grace

Sunday night 25 September 2011.

A few thoughts put on paper

It is late Sunday night. I completed a proposal to Volkswagen at 22h30 and then rushed to bed to watch SCI: NY at 23h00. As usual I fell asleep just before the end and I was so frustrated to wake up with Special Assignment showing and a woman with cancer speaking. Now I am wide awake and watching. They showed from the beginning of her illness to her funeral. She was diagnosed with cancer at a very late stage. She had the lump under her arm but was told she will know it is breast cancer when the colour of her breast starts changing. The system failed her.  I looked at all her suffering. It was terrible! She died and left a ten year old daughter behind. And I felt the dark pit of cancer again. But fortunately I know that By His Stripes I am healed. And I stretched out my hand to touch His garment.  

The doctor on screen explained in simple terms what cancer is and it sounds like such a simple disease while it is so complex and dreaded.

“A Cancer is a cell that has lost its normal control mechanism and thus has unregulated growth.  Cancer can develop from any tissue within any organ.  As cancer cells grow and multiply, they form a mass of cancerous tissue that invades adjacent tissues and can spread (metastasize) around the body.”

On Wednesday I assisted the staff to take a twelve year old girl to a place of Safety. Her mother died of an Aids related disease and her father is on drugs and the house is very dirty. About two hours afterwards, not even so long, I started to feel ill and was ill the rest of week till Gavin came to pray for me on Saturday afternoon.  My left arm has an infection again. I am on my way to the cancer unit this morning.

It is so strange that last Saturday when I wrote my sermon on the Godly Home I spent a wonderful time in God’s presence and the reality of Max Lucado’s book In the grip of Grace became Rhema to me. I read the Afrikaans version. “In die Greep van God se Genade” and  decided to be in the Grip of His Grace forever. I am going to publish part of my sermon on the blog.

I have many times preached on God’s grace but never understood it as fully as I do now. It changed my life completely. This understanding that it is a free gift from God to me. I do not need to do anything. Louis Giglio says that at the core of the gospel lies the extravaganza of a loving Father powerfully expressed in the grace of a willing Saviour.

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